Why I Struggle with Romance Novels

Photo by Brigitte Tohm on Unsplash

Unless you've never been to a bookstore, or have never been in the company of women, you know that romance is one of the most successful and wildly popular genres out there. Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy, Bella and Edward, Claire and Jamie. Those two from Fifty Shades of Grey... no, I haven't read it. No, I don't plan on reading it. The list goes on, and these are just characters from the big names, there are countless others that haven't made it to pop culture big time, but have nonetheless wound up on many a woman's Kindle.

I've been dipping my toe in romance more and more, especially in 2019, trying to get a sense of what the fuss is about. I have to say, after six months of having a romance title on my monthly TBR list... I STILL DON'T GET IT. 

I'm not a hater, you do you ladies, but as I read these novels I kept thinking to myself, "I don't know a single man that would behave like any of these guys. They're disgustingly devoted, emotional basket cases!" The best relationships I know are complicated, with men who challenge you. They love you, they'll protect you, but they don't always do a good job and they're definitely not Prince Charming. They're flawed and complicated, just like you.

This is why I'm so drawn to relationships in other genres. It doesn't feel like a Disney princess movie. They're not acting like your girlfriends while also giving you the best sex of your life. Sometimes they mock you so you'll prove them wrong, sometimes they make you so furious you want to punch them in the nose. You know what? I don't want a man to kiss my feet and tell me I'm perfect. I want him to tell me that he loves me and then push me to be the best version of myself that I can be.

Guess what? That doesn't always make you feel good, but it's real.

Holly Black, Naomi Novik and Madeline Miller are three authors I've read over the past year that gave me the relationship arcs I could truly identify with. Two flawed individuals coming together and making themselves better, confronting their flaws, dealing with the fact that everyone around them would never expect or imagine that the two of them would be together. Growing towards, and because of, each other.

Kind of like Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy. You see their flaws, they see the flaws in each other, and while at first it repels them it also forces them to recognize those flaws in themselves. Ultimately it leads to growth, and love.

That's the love I want to read about. The real kind.